A Lesson on Semi-colons

My previous dentist had residency in a small office. It was a husband-and-wife team, with only two rooms that they really used for patients. (They retired last month, hence why they are now considered my “previous” dentist.)

Every time I went, I was ushered into the exact same room. And every time I settled into the dentist chair, my eyes would lock onto the framed picture hanging on the wall to my left. The faded poster talked about the dangers of gingivitis, but I was not fascinated in all the ways that poor dental hygiene could do to my teeth.

Oh no. It’s because there was a particular sentence on the bottom – written in bold font – that was grammatically incorrect.

The first comma of the sentence should have been a semi-colon.

My inner editor was triggered. Seeing a semi-colon being used improperly has always been my biggest (writing) pet peeve.

I always wondered if anyone ever pointed this particular sentence out to the dentist, but I didn’t want to be that nitpicky jerk who noticed such things. Especially on a poster that has probably been hanging for 20+ years.

It was one of those sentences with the word “however” thrown in the middle. Quick lesson: The word “however” indicates a relationship between two contrasting independent clauses. Therefore, you need a semi-colon before the word and a comma after it when writing a compound sentence. The only way you can throw “however” in the middle of the sentence without a semi-colon is if you’re simply rearranging the syntax. As in, if you move “however” to the beginning of the sentence and it still makes sense, then you’re okay with just using commas.

I will never understand why people have such a difficult time with how to use a semi-colon. I mean, if you replace the semi-colon with a period, and the two new sentences still reads fine, then you’re probably good to go.

And if you’re still uncertain, I’d rather you use a comma instead of slapping on a semi-colon just to appear sophisticated or intelligent. It’s less distracting for me to read your words as a reader, which means there’s less of a chance for me to stop reading your writing. (And, yes, this comes from a person who probably uses commas too frequently.)

Another quick lesson: A comma unites an independent clause with a dependent one. The latter clause is when it is missing a subject or verb, and doesn’t convey a complete thought.

But the worst offense I ever saw about semi-colons came from a manuscript I once had to read for a past internship. Judging by the author’s dreadful cover/query letter, I was already preparing myself for what I might encounter with her submission. (Don’t get me started on query letters, and what some people believe passes for one.)

I won’t get into the story itself, but on each page, there were at least ten semi-colons. She would use them instead of commas. And I had to read at least thirty pages of this manuscript. I desperately wanted to ask her to pick up the nearest novel she had lying around and count all the semi-colons she came across on one page – because I can guarantee you that there was probably no more than one.

Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t had nightmares about it. I can imagine me waking up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat, shouting, “Semi-colons! Everywhere! They were everywhere!”

Oh, the horror of improper grammar. More terrifying to me than a trip to the dentist.

P.S. Fun fact, but spelling "semi-colon" with a hyphen is considered the British way, whereas Americans typically spell it as one word. Obviously, I prefer to write it with a hyphen, only because it looks weird to me if it's just "semicolon." Either way is correct, but don't let anyone tell you that I follow the crowd, lol.