Dealing with Rejection (aka: A Pep Talk)

For two days back-to-back last week, it was not a good time in my household.

My two siblings and I had to face some hard rejection. Out of privacy, I won’t say what any of it pertained to. All I will say is that, in some way or another, part of our future plans had to be rewritten that day.

Rejection sucks.

It destroys hope. Which you did not realize how powerful that feeling is until hope is deflated like a balloon.

Once the shock leaves, you’re left feeling hurt, confused, and utterly lost.

I’m not going to give you some sort of cheesy motivation in order to “turn that frown upside down.”

I want you to do something else.

I want you to give yourself permission to feel.

Cry. Eat a carton of ice cream. Watch a sappy movie. Scream your frustrations. Sigh dramatically. Sleep.

And then. When you are scrapping the bottom of the carton with your spoon and the credits are rolling, there is only one thing left to do.

Pick yourself back up.

Turn on loud aspiring music.

And try again.

(I believe in you.)

Day 28

(Warning: This post will contain a ton of randomness.)

It has been twenty-eight days since post-graduation.

That's sort of strange for me to think about. The days start to blur into one another. I feel like I've done quite a bit in that time frame, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like I've done enough. I guess that that is normal for me, though. Overestimating how much I can get done.

Anyway, a quick run-down of all that I've done:

*I've seen three movies in theatres.
*Completed six books (a total of about 1400 pages)
*Gone to Cedar Point for the day
*Planted flowers
*Caught some sort of bug/cold and I've been sick for ten days now (although, this is something that I'd rather not have happened)

...Okay, so the list doesn't look very impressive. There was a lot of little things that I've done around the house, but I figure that it would be pointless to list them on this blog.

I'm not going to put a list of things that I need to still get done because that is a rather long list. Basically, a majority of it boils down to: clean/organize rooms around the house, face fears, and figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life.

That doesn't sound too hard. Right??

Although, you should see my basement. It could easily fall under "face fears" with all the junk piled everywhere and cobwebs coating the windows.

Randomness: Last Friday, I finally pulled myself together and got back into writing creatively. It had been almost two months since I last wrote something and I think it took me a whole week of staring at a blank word document before I finally got the courage to fill it with words.

I wrote a fantasy short story. (I love writing short stories, by the way. Although they could almost be viewed as "super short stories" because they tend to be under 5,000 words.) I think I'm on some sort of fantasy kick. Although, a part of me still wants to write something more contemporary. But alas, I do not have any storyline. I do have a particular character that has emerged, but I have no idea how to use her.

I don't write many contemporary stories. I either get bored of them halfway through or they start twisting into dystopian territory. Maybe this says something on how I view life?

This is the End

Tomorrow I will be graduating from college.

My mind still can't wrap around the idea that this day has come. Where did the last four years go? I remember graduating high school and buying dorm supplies, worried about what it would be like to leave home and not know anyone.

I moved out of my dorm yesterday. I'm going to miss that room (I've been in the exact one for three years). I'm going to miss my loft. And my view out the window, where I could distract myself from homework by people-watching. And easily getting dinner in the caf with friends. I loved being on campus and I'm probably one of the few people who will say that.

How could I leave this place? I have so many good memories here.

I remember a group of us hanging out in a dorm room and watching a movie late at night on the eve of MSU's first snow day in sixteen years during my freshman year. I remember hanging out in the quad of Armstrong Hall during my sophomore year and that one of my roommates secretly kept a teacup Yorkshire terrier in the dorm. I remember having a girl's night with my church ministry in my junior year, where we made gingerbread cookies (even though it was only Nov 30) and painted nails. I remember standing out in the rain during multiple football games during my senior year, my parents coming up to visit in order to celebrate my 21st birthday, and Senior Appreciation Night.

Tomorrow I must leave the place I've grown to love and acknowledge the fact that my time as a college undergrad is over.

I've learned so much over the course of four years: about myself, about friendship, and the material in my classes (even if sometimes my grades didn't reflect that :/ ).

I feel so blessed to have been give the chance to go to college here. I will always look back on these years fondly.

I hope that, in some small way, I have made a difference in a few lives while I lived on campus and met so many new people.

Thank you, Michigan State University. It has been totally awesome.

(Ten point to whoever understands my italicized reference above.)

Spring Fever

My favorite season is spring.

I love the way the trees start to bud, especially the cherry blossom trees. I love the way flowers start to appear and decorate lawns. I love the warm weather, reassuring me that bulky winter jackets and boots are a thing of the past.

I love the fact that winter is over and I have three great seasons ahead of me.

Best of all, spring reminds me that I can begin again.

I feel like I’ve been stuck in a rut (especially these past two months). I’m just going through the motions and worst of all; I’ve gotten content with it. This bothers me. I don’t like sticking myself in my “safe box” for too long because when I finally do try and branch out from the necessary tasks that I need to do in my day, I make excuses.

I want to be more bold, more ambitious, more fearless.

I don’t want my last two months here on campus to fly by before I got a chance to do something worthwhile or memorable.

I got a taste of spring earlier this week for one day. I had to hop over puddles from the mounds of snow melting. I even switched to a lighter jacket. Being able to breathe in the warming air, I got a brief taste of what it was like to not be in winter (until we got a snowstorm two days later and killed my dreams).

Maybe I just have a case of stir-crazy, but I’m itching for the earth to renew itself.

And that fierce desire to be fearless? I welcome it with open arms.

P.S. Happy pi day!!

What defines you?

Two days ago I attended my bible study. To get us started, we usually answer an ice breaker. Sometimes they're silly, sometimes they pertain to what we will be reading later. Anyway, the question that was asked for this week was: What defines you?

As a typical introvert, I prefer to go near the tail-end of everyone's responses. Or not go at all if no one catches me. But it was interesting to listen to what people had to say.

"Traveling and the outdoors."

"The beach."

"My major."

"My family."

"My heritage."

Eventually, it was pointed out that I hadn't said anything and it was now my turn. I had a hard time coming up with something, though.

I mean, we as a human being are complex. How do I answer that question with just a few words? I am a sum of all of my parts. I am a daughter, a sister, a Christian, a college-student, a writer, an introvert and I am

me.

My name is what sets me apart from everyone else and it encompasses all of the qualities that make up who I am.

I define myself.

P.S. I hate to be that one person who talks about the weather, but is anyone else feeling the "January Blahs"? (I'm not sure if that's a real term, but just roll with it.) I'm so tired of the bitter cold and the wind and the snow flurries. I think that after New Year's Day, it should stop snowing.

I guess that's what I get for living in Michigan.

It's a love-hate relationship. I'm not a big fan of the winter, but I do like having four seasons.

I'm ready for spring, though. Anyone else?

Reflection

So the year 2014 is approaching very soon.

Looking back, it seems like the past year has flown by so much. Then again, I feel like I have this thinking at the end of every year.

Next year, I will be graduating from college. Such a strange thought.

Thinking about the end of my undergrad and my uncertain future, it made me reflect on that one saying: [insert age group] will be the best time of your life.

For me, junior high sucked. High school was better, but not by much. College has been great, but it certainly comes with its own stresses.

And I’m sure that the “real world” will have its own perks and strains.

But when do we finally reach that “best time of our lives”? Do we ever get there? Or do we constantly strive to better our lives that our idea of “best time” changes as we grow older?

I think I like that idea. I mean, it’s sort of depressing to think that one day I may look back and constantly long for a period of time in my life that I will never achieve again. It’d be reassuring to know that my life is filled with “good times” throughout than think that I’ve already past that one “best time.”

Maybe I need to ask an elder for their opinion on this…

P.S.  Just in case anyone was curious, I actually finished my NaNo with 36,181 words. So I didn’t win. But! I did manage to beat my word count from last year (by about 400 words) and that was the whole point.

By the last week of November, I seriously doubted whether I’d surpass my last year’s word count. During the last two days, I cranked out 5,822 words and it was finally enough.

I was supposed to be writing an essay during that time for a class. Instead, I wrote for NaNoWriMo. I probably should get better priorities.

A week later, even after staying up until six in the morning writing my second essay that week, I still don’t regret it.

NaNoWriMo '13

Ah! I feel awful for taking such a long time to post something new.

It was a bit belated, but autumn finally arrived here in Michigan. It’s gotten colder and most of the trees here seem to have shed their ignited foliage. I’m so thankful that I live in a dorm and I don’t have to rake the leaves (so…much…raking back at home).

Before I know it, Thanksgiving will be right around the corner. However, something exciting is approaching…

Tomorrow is officially the start of NaNoWriMo!

For those of you who are not in the know, basically you try to write 50,000 words in the month of November. It’s a crazy month. I have to try and balance writing, school-work, sleep, and some type of social life (although, let’s be honest, that’s the first to go).

But I love it.

This will be my third year participating (I’ve known about it for five, but I just decided to finally go for it three years ago). And you know what? I’ve never actually “won.”

The first year, I only got to 26,898 words. That’s it. I always meant to finish the story, but now I think it’s probably better off being on the shelf. Last year, I was a rebel by writing a bunch of short stories instead and cranked out 35,740. It was quite an improvement.

Do I think I’ll actually reach the 50k mark this year? Probably not. And that’s okay. The whole point of NaNoWriMo is to stop making excuses and get you to write more. For me, my goal is to just surpass last year’s amount. And I’m actually focusing on just one story this time.

I’ve been stuck inside this “box” for a while, overanalyzing everything I write and paralyzing me. NaNo will help me pull out of it.

I think all of us should write with reckless abandonment this month.   

P.S. Happy Halloween!!